Well, Anony, I thought about this for several hours, trying to decide exactly how I wanted to answer, if I answered. Spending an hour on the side of the road during rush-hour traffic, made even worse by a wreck (that didn’t involve me), has put me in a bad mood but helped me decide how to address this question. Okay, the beer is helping too.
First, I think you must not follow my awesomely wonderful fabulous friend Drunken Soberness, because if you did and if you read her posts, you would know that I posted a picture of my headless body on curveappeal.
Let’s say you don’t or you do and you didn’t catch that or don’t remember it. Well, here is the link. Still, you might wonder, “Now, I know your measurements, but what’s under all that gold organza?” Pale and long, long legs with a longer thigh than calf. And feet too, but I’ll never tell how many.
But, ah, you meant my head right? Because what’s a somewhat attractive body without a pretty face?
Anony, I just realized something…you asked something I never expected because it’s considered rude, just like asking what my age is. I addressed this here, but maybe you didn’t start following me until recently. Maybe you don’t follow me at all. Whatever.
Now, I’m waffling between telling you I look like Aphrodite and Medusa. Maybe I’m the perfect blend of goddess and monster. Really, I think Medusa is a bit closer, though my eyes are a weird greenish-blue, and I’ve never turned anyone to stone. Well, ha, maybe I shouldn’t be so hasty. I’ve turned parts of men to stone. (That’s the beer talking. I’m really quite hideous.)
Even if it is rude, I suppose I can give you something…
Recently, when trying to describe my hair to someone who messages with me on a regular basis, I wrote that it was similar to Jeanie’s (Jennifer Grey’s character in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) but longer, with more layers, and darker. I write “darker,” but all my recent yard work and sunlit naps are putting honey-red streaks in it. I like it fluffy and wild, but if left to itself, my hair would form perfect ringlets, hence, the Medusa thing.
Nice hair (if you like curls), nice ass (if you like perky and plump), nice boobs (if you like ‘em big). I suppose that still doesn’t tell you very much.
I don’t look like an celebrities, even men. Really, I looked, back when there was this stupid thing where everyone on Facebook was replacing their profile pictures with a celebrity pic. I found no one I resembled, and none of my “friends” could think of anyone, so I ended up choosing Helena Bonham Carter because I found a picture of her with wild curls and she rocks.
When I was a junior in college, I lopped off my hair from almost to my waist to up to my chin. I straightened it methodically, and I had someone tell me that I looked like Audrey Hepburn. I am absolutely positive he was blowing smoke up my ass in order to gain access to my vagina or maybe it was my drug stash. I forget.
When I see pictures that Alex posts of herself, I think she and I could be sisters - not twins, but closely related. Still, it’s hard to tell from a picture.
If you really want to know the truth, Anony, I can’t describe myself. You may think that’s a cop-out or whatever, but I promise I don’t see myself the way I actually look. I could tell you I have a squarish jaw and a full lower lip, but someone else would see something else. I see Medusa, and someone else sees Aphrodite. And still someone else sees nothing at all. I am overlook-able, and maybe that’s the best descriptive I could give.