Every time my brother’s wife and I get together, at least once, she’s guaranteed to say, “If I had big boobs like yours, I would get myself a push-up bra and wear the lowest cut V-neck.”

The thing is, no one makes affordable, attractive, push-up bras for the large-breasted.  In fact, very few manufacturers make attractive regular bras for us, as if size alone is enough enticement.  We still would like to wear something sexy without having to take out a loan to purchase it.

::heavy sigh::

A few months back, Fluffy subtly prompted me to get a pretty bra that isn’t a minimizer (which is all I wear), so when I was shopping for my mother’s birthday gift, I took the time to wander the intimates section of the department store.  I found one, one,rack of pretty bras for big boobs, and only one of them was my size.  I took it into the dressing room and tried it.  It fit remarkably well, and the straps were an inch wide so as to not dig trenches into my shoulders.  It was lavender and held everything up and out so prettily, so I forked out $40 for it.  I don’t know what other women pay for bras, but if I spend more than $30, I feel cheated.  Maybe I’m just cheap.  Okay, I know I’m cheap when it comes to underwear.

I brought it home and washed it.  The first time I wore it, I decided that I should throw out all my old bras and replace them with this new type.  Fluffy was thrilled to see me in something pretty and sexy instead the usual flesh-colored bras that smash my boobs.  All seemed right with the world.

I hate to ruin any illusions, but big boobs sweat.  I get one wear out of my bras before they need washing.  So after the “Day of the Pretty Bra,” I had to wash it again.  I hung it to dry (never put bras in the dryer), and the next time I wore it – only its second wear – the damn cups had shrunk!  I fell out the top of it to the point were it looked like I had four breasts.  (Am I giving you Total Recall flashbacks?) And when I stuffed the tops of my breasts back in the cups, the bottom of my boobs poked out below the underwire. 

The thing is now stuffed in the back of my underwear drawer because I refuse to throw away a $40 bra I’ve worn twice.

So there.  I tried.  Back to ugly minimizers.