June 2012
30 posts
Home From the Hospital
No diagnosis, but he’s better. Maybe we’ll know something by next Wednesday. Poor little guy.
It's like The Exorcist in here!
Well, minus the head spinning around that is.
Seriously, the baby is spraying like a sour milk sprinkler.
The docs have us watching him to make sure it doesn’t get worse, that it’s a virus and not pyloric stenosis (please, please, please not that). And his poop is white, which is bad.
Sad baby. Sad mommy. :(
1 tag
Every time I hear a lawnmower in the side yard by...
I think,
“If whoever that is wakes up the baby, I’m gonna go out there and kick him in the balls.”
And then I think,
“God, I hope he mows my lawn out of pity.”
Miracle of miracles, my neighbor’s son mowed my front yard! So, I won’t kick him in the balls. In fact, I’m gonna buy that boy a carton of whatever brand of cigarettes he’s always...
1 tag
Phone conversation between my big brother and me:
Him: Wednesday, I turned 39. I was thinking about how many years that is.
Me: Doesn’t seem like it’s been that long, does it?
Him: Not really but you know what really made it hit me? I just got to thinking about how much computers have changed in my lifetime.
Me: Yeah, I remember you sitting with a giant book in your lap and...
May 2012
42 posts
Exhausted
The spammers have sent me emails promising to hook me up with
whites
blacks
asians
and I have failed to respond.
With those ethnicities exhausted and others having no spam advocates (I presume), I’m getting “over 50.”
WTF?
WTF is wrong with people?
I just read a newspaper article (from a county in my state) where reportedly the Humane Society had to euthanize a dog because it was found skinned alive.
I can’t even begin to imagine what that feels like. Who the fuck does that?! Some people are just sick.
1 tag
TMI Tuesday: Malleable Me
I bet I’m the only person you “know” who can poke out her stomach, relax it, and then push against one side of it so that it moves and stays for a bit and then watch as it slowly slides sort of back into resting position.
Ah the things you can do when your round ligaments are sprung.
2 tags
If I keep pumping until October,
my breasts will remain larger and plumper than my ass.
In that case, I will ask my mother to sew a Lulu costume for me and a cactuar costume for my son. We will be AWESOME!!
1 tag
It's Getting Better All the Time
Yesterday was the first day that I didn’t even once wish that I didn’t have a baby.
I’m doing the best that I can.
I believe it’s getting better,
A little better all the time.
Sensual Idiot: Rejection letters →
sensualidiot:
Back in my deviantART days I shared with my followers some rejection letters I’d collected in the last few months. The response was overwhelmingly angry and defeated. “How dare they reject something so beautiful!” “If they rejected YOU than I’m not even going to try!”
However, the purpose of…
I sent off my novel, my work of about five years now when I count all six...
2 tags
In the Event of My Death
Now that I have a child, I need a will. I can do that online, if I just set aside the time to do it. Part of the reason I’ve put it off is that I have no idea who to put as Sol’s guardian.
I have written many times about my best girlfriend. You remember, the one who wants children so badly and has had five miscarriages, three failed in vitro fertilizations, and most recently cancerous...
A Tooth Per Child
My dentist had told me that when his grandmother was having babies, the saying was that you lost one tooth for every child you had. See, a fetus is really a parasite. It lives off its host, its mommy, and if the host doesn’t provide it with the proper nutrition, it will rob her of it. Calcium is at a premium in any woman’s body, and in a pregnant woman, the teeth are the first to take...
TMI Tuesday: It's amazing what you can get used...
When I first diagnosed myself with uterine prolapse, I figured I could Kegel my way back into shape in no time. After an official diagnosis from my doctor and the news that only a hysterectomy would fix the problem, I gotta tell you, I went home and bawled my eyes out.
It wasn’t that I wanted more kids, it was just that a) I had lost control over the decision b) I was still an emotional...
1 tag
Hair Advice
When/If you have a child, pick a hair style and facial hairstyle (if applicable) and stay with that until the baby is at least six months old.
Why?
Because Fluffy lets himself get scruffy over the course of the week, and when he shaves, the baby has a total freak out, like he has no idea who Fluffy is, crocodile tears, red-faced, clinging to me like a monkey. Keep in mind that Fluffy probably...
