TMI Tuesday: Malleable Me
I bet I’m the only person you “know” who can poke out her stomach, relax it, and then push against one side of it so that it moves and stays for a bit and then watch as it slowly slides sort of back into resting position. Ah the things you can do when your round ligaments are sprung.
If I keep pumping until October,
my breasts will remain larger and plumper than my ass. In that case, I will ask my mother to sew a Lulu costume for me and a cactuar costume for my son. We will be AWESOME!!
It's Getting Better All the Time
Yesterday was the first day that I didn’t even once wish that I didn’t have a baby. I’m doing the best that I can. I believe it’s getting better, A little better all the time.
Sensual Idiot: Rejection letters →
sensualidiot: Back in my deviantART days I shared with my followers some rejection letters I’d collected in the last few months. The response was overwhelmingly angry and defeated. “How dare they reject something so beautiful!” “If they rejected YOU than I’m not even going to try!” However, the purpose of… I sent off my novel, my work of about five years now when I count all six...
In the Event of My Death
Now that I have a child, I need a will. I can do that online, if I just set aside the time to do it. Part of the reason I’ve put it off is that I have no idea who to put as Sol’s guardian. I have written many times about my best girlfriend. You remember, the one who wants children so badly and has had five miscarriages, three failed in vitro fertilizations, and most recently cancerous...
A Tooth Per Child
My dentist had told me that when his grandmother was having babies, the saying was that you lost one tooth for every child you had. See, a fetus is really a parasite. It lives off its host, its mommy, and if the host doesn’t provide it with the proper nutrition, it will rob her of it. Calcium is at a premium in any woman’s body, and in a pregnant woman, the teeth are the first to take...
TMI Tuesday: It's amazing what you can get used...
When I first diagnosed myself with uterine prolapse, I figured I could Kegel my way back into shape in no time. After an official diagnosis from my doctor and the news that only a hysterectomy would fix the problem, I gotta tell you, I went home and bawled my eyes out. It wasn’t that I wanted more kids, it was just that a) I had lost control over the decision b) I was still an emotional...
When/If you have a child, pick a hair style and facial hairstyle (if applicable) and stay with that until the baby is at least six months old. Why? Because Fluffy lets himself get scruffy over the course of the week, and when he shaves, the baby has a total freak out, like he has no idea who Fluffy is, crocodile tears, red-faced, clinging to me like a monkey. Keep in mind that Fluffy probably...
For the first time since June 2011,
I did crunches. I did 10 crunches, and I thought I was going to pass out. I broke out in a full-body cold sweat. Let me tell y’all: there is more to getting back into shape after having a baby than just losing a bit of weight.
There exists a relationship between the size of one’s index finger and the size of one’s nostrils. More clearly, I believe the diameter of the index finger and the nostril are so that the owner’s finger is the perfect size for picking his nostril without going in too far. A person with larger fingers will have larger nostrils or perhaps larger nostrils beget larger fingers?...
Today, I have on my “I Love the 80’s” t-shirt. I don’t wear it out in public anymore because it’s too tight and too faded. It is covered in nits from excessive wear and washing. But, it’s soft and thin, perfect for wearing on hot days. Just a bit ago, I pulled it up to dangle around my neck so I could pump breastmilk, and the aroma of sunscreen, long soaked...
I'm-the-Worst Wednesday: I Serve As A Reminder
to everyone, myself included, that a person can be skilled, even brilliant, at some things and just barely-functional retarded at others.