Tumblubbering: The Kind of Fool I Am
I If we had been lovers, I would’ve been a cliché – alone, lonely, the dinner I cooked for us cooling on the table. When you said you would come, I picked flowers from my garden. My heirloom and confederate roses, the tiny purple blooms on the monkey grass, Gerber daisies, and day lilies I arranged in a Mason jar. Aphids on the rose petals. You didn’t show. You didn’t call, but I didn’t worry. You...
I've got another round or two of edits ahead of...
but I am NOT looking forward to getting back into query mode. Researching agents, writing letters to sell myself, and sending bits of my hard work off to someone who will glance at it and send me a stock rejection letter — it’s self-torture. I don’t think I have the fortitude to go through it again.
troamm replied to your quote: Ha, ha! I have tickled you in four different… Summa, since I’m getting married soon, and A and I are planning on starting a family in the next two years, I love to read your posts about your son. Makes me feel like I can actually do it… If anyone tries to tell you that parenting is easy, they are full of shit. My feeling is that if you’re going to do...
Salt deposits left by dried tears on his cheeks
are symptoms of living with me.
Ha, ha! I have tickled you in four different places, and you have only begun to...– one-sided conversation I had with my son
The first time I was ever made to feel inferior because of my accent was on a school trip to Washington, D.C. The kids from Minnesota (like they had any room to mock anyone) were teasing us for saying “pin” for “pen” and “pincil” for “pencil.” I employed my usual middle school defense mechanism, which was to ignore whoever was trying to offend me. ...
Just when I was thinking
that maybe I should’ve put Spawn in daycare to try to socialize him and get him used to other adults and children, my friend, whose son is 9 days older than Spawn, canceled our playdate because a child at his day care has viral meningitis. My brother’s son had hoof and mouth disease twice. Yep, guess this hermit will make her son into a hermit, too.
buddyblanc replied to your post: One in a sea of too many. Fuck that for a laugh! You’re definitely a beautiful and unique snowflake. You know what? You’re absolutely right! I am unique because I fucking invented something, wrote my dissertation on it, and got my PhD because of it. Also, I had never heard it, but I like that expression, “Fuck that for a laugh.”
I love the smell of freshmen in the morning!
Adrenaline, fear, sweat, hope, tears — it’s a complex bouquet.
You know you've reached a new depth of writer...
when you dust off an old nanowrimo project with the intent to finish it.
One in a sea of too many.
Each day I am reminded that I am not unique or special.
The Good Wife
We spent so many years together, each permeating the other’s existence. When I ended our time, I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without some memory, and guilt, blaring in my mind. When I gave up on you, I gave up my life, or so it felt. I realized that I had no one, and everything that I took with me reeked of my life with you. It’s been a while now, but I still find...
One of the many reasons why I love my DDO...
From guild chat… Me: Now that I’m done with school, where should I move? I teach college, btw. Galanduil: <waves to Tomasde> Germany! Then you can meet me and help me pass my Physics boards. Me: Psht! Fngjr: Indiana for midwest cleaning living =) Alexxon: Come to Australia. We’re ahead of everyone else. Delicto: LOL @ Alex; nah, come to KY; Lousiville’s great,...
Weekly WTF (#3)
From guild chat, my buddy Kel again… Kel: Hey Dr. Mom, I mean Dr.Tom. Me: ‘Sup Kel? Kel: Get this. I was over in Charleston this weekend, and I saw one of those buses with advertisements on the side. Me: This should be good. Kel: Yeah! Ha! It had this quote, “I had the weekend hysterectomy!” and my literal reaction to it was to blurt out, “What the...
I should care less, especially something as fleeting as this. But then, who decided it had to be fleeting? It wasn’t me. I take umbrage with that. It’s as real and as true as I want it to be. And I want it to be. My will be done! Please? I get too attached to people too easily. I love too much and too easily. This is why others have the power to hurt me. I want to reclaim that...
The thing about getting shit on your hand
is that you can wash and scrub and wash and scrub, but even after all that, for a while, your hand is still going to smell like shit.
I make homemade pudding.
Most peoples’ experience with pudding has to do with Bill Cosby commercials and Jello packets, but mine almost exclusively are with the homemade variety. I follow my grandmother’s recipe. It still doesn’t taste like hers, as I don’t have chickens for fresh eggs or cows for fresh milk. I don’t churn my own butter. Still, it’s damn tasty - both chocolate and...
Hurricane Isaac is coming my way.
Thank you, Kris, for making my childhood dreams of having a pet wombat come true. I squealed with joy when I took him from his nest in his box. AND… Now that Spawn’s a bit older, he is enjoying Dubbya, too.
New word, everyone!
I apologize for the post of mine that will come...
It is long, but it had to be done.
Anonymous asked: what you write your a terrible person and a terrible mother.
Anonymous asked: Post a picture so we can see your eyes.
I want to get better at cyberstalking.
Things That Made My Day
1) I dreamt someone was licking and kissing my nipple, and I orgasmed myself awake. 2) I ran into a former co-worker who said, “Oh, [Summa], you look just great! You must have lost all that baby weight and then some.” 3) I learned how to add in the Mayan number system. Unusual base. 4) I did not have to change a poop-y diaper.
Beauty is in the eye.
For some of the classes I teach, I put in hours in a computer lab instead of in an office. I have spent so many hours walking a circuit in a dimly lit room with bipolar climate control and uneven concrete floors, just waiting for a raised hand. I am there to help any student, not just my own and not just classes I teach. Only occasionally do I have regulars (usually not my own students). At the...
TMI Tuesday: Estrogen Levels
Now that I am no longer a milk factory, my estrogen levels have returned to normal. This is awesome because My uterus and cervix have retracted back inside me. They aren’t where they are supposed to be, but they are inside me! I have my raging sex drive back, which means I can write racy, raunchy, raucous sex scenes again which means I can’t stop touching myself, I don’t...
:pve upi. In case you are wondering the above are the letters for love you...– the close of an email from my mother
I Googled "tramp"
and this was the 7th thing on the list. DS, I literally L’edOL.
I stood at the pump, smelling the rain come from the west. Big fat rain, the kind that you can walk in and not get wet. It’s been an odd summer, too dry then too wet. Ancient oaks are falling, and I’m filling my gas tank on my way to Target. I stood at the pump, hearing snippets of someone’s phone conversation as it drifted from the store’s front to me. I wondered if...
To my victims,
I have this terrible habit of saying too much, especially when it comes to the written word. I’m sitting here, thinking over things I’ve written to people (via email or similar inboxes), and I cringe and cringe and cringe. Just thinking, “Damn, did I really write that to someone? What was I thinking? They didn’t want to know that. They didn’t ask for this shit to be...
Me: (to Spawn) You are manipulative. (picking up rice spoon Spawn threw on the floor) Fluffy: Buddy, are you evil? Spawn: (smiles at Fluffy and pushes his stuffed monkey to the edge of his high chair tray, giggles, and jabs the monkey over the edge.) Fluffy: He jumped, right? Me: (picking up the monkey) I think all babies are chaotic evil. Fluffy: Buddy, you can’t be manipulative and...
Tumblubbering: Watching TV (other than Food...
makes me wish that I had better fashion sense. Sure, I know the old rules. I just don’t have the drive. I don’t look like a train wreck; no one would ever sign me up for “What Not to Wear.” Hell, I’d have to have friends first, but what I mean is that I’m a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl, well, maybe t-shirt and yoga pants. I manage to pull off looking...
I mispelled neighbors as neighbros.
Can this be a new thing, please?
I already “announced” that I’ve officially stopped breastfeeding/pumping. How is it going, you ask? My breasts haven’t felt this heavy since the baby was in the hospital and I hadn’t fed him or pumped in 10 hours. They look and feel as if they are filled with pebbles. My nipples are perma-erect. They hurt just hanging there. They hurt to be touched. They’re...
scottowilliams replied to your photo: Momma, why you no pick me up? looks just like you Funny thing! This child is unrecognizable as mine except that he mumbles, “Muh muh muh,” while stretching his arms and fingers at me. The only physical attributes he got from me are my dad’s ears (bless him) and greenish eyes, although his are greenish-orange and mine are greenish-blue.
porterbrau replied to your post: Is it me, boo-urns. that movie was bad and you should feel bad. Au contraire, that movie is full of awesome, sir! If you don’t agree, you aren’t watching it properly. Take a shot/toke every time you see something that looks like a dick. Boom! Excellent movie.
I'm wearing a real, non-nursing bra
for the first time in 8 months. Damn, y’all! I forgot how awesome I look when the girls are lifted and separated.
Is it me,
or does Billy Graham look a helluva lot like Judge Alvin ‘J.P’ Valkenheiser?
Erectile dysfunction pill commercial: You have E.D. It's okay. Plenty of older guys get it. You're still cool. Here's a pill to help you get it up.
Tampon/pad commercial: OH MY GOD! YOU HAVE A PERIOD! IT'S SO GROSS AND HORRIBLE! HIDE THAT PERIOD! DON'T LET ANYONE KNOW ABOUT YOUR NORMALLY FUNCTIONING BODY! THEY NOW COME IN A CUTE LITTLE BOX SO NO ONE CAN TELL! EWWWW!
Life is a strange concept. You spend your whole life working, building...– my friend Gina
I just saw a post about a sales tag on a sweater that read “ugly...– my mother’s Facebook status today I should share more of these, especially the ones where she sets something on fire while trying to cook.
It’s hot, damn hot! Even the baby has swamp ass. I wonder if I’m the only mother thoughtful enough to fan her son’s balls during diaper changes. It sure makes him smile.
Weekly WTF (#2)
My guild buddy from DDO is at it again. This gem is from voice chat. Me: My first husband was my high school sweetheart. Kel: My first wife was a woman I met while I was working at a brothel in L.A.