June 2012
30 posts
Super Analogy
Hey y’all! Remember that post I wrote about how I get all hot and sexy in the weeks leading up to my period and then afterward I would basically shrivel and wilt?
Well, pregnancy is a hyperbole of that.
The baby has discovered his penis.
So, it’s like the BEST DAY EVER!!
The whole country is on fire.
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Rearranging
Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that it just isn’t safe for the baby to share a room with anything. He currently shares a room with exercise equipment. I got to thinking about how Mike Tyson’s daughter accidentally hung herself on a treadmill monitoring cord and decided things had to change - like THIS MINUTE*!
I considered swapping the exercise room with the computer room...
The bottle warmer and the coffee bean grinder...
!!!!!!!!
Everyone is in tears.
TMI Tuesday: White Shower
When I’m on top, my breasts leak after an orgasm.
It's been a hard day.
Fluffy: (opening the front door to go get groceries) Don’t kill the baby while I’m gone.
Me: (sighing snort)
Fluffy: ‘Cause I want to be in on it.
Yeah, I'm singing "Karma Police" to my son to get...
Sure as hell beats lame-ass lullabies.
It's back!
The post that has the picture of the quilt I designed and made magically reappeared. It’s here. I cut out all the shapes and hand-stitched them to the squares. It took me about three years to sew all the squares. My mom used her machine to piece it together and then a friend of hers quilted it for me.
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Adding injury to injury,
I am recovering from a blocked/infected Montgomery gland (the little “bumps” on the areolas of your nipples).
I should just give up already.
Twinges
I took Spawn to his 4 month check-up today, and all I could hear in the doctor’s office was screaming and/or crying children. Everyone must’ve been getting shots today.
Spawn jolted in my arms and looked at me like, “Yo, Mom, what’s up with all this crying around here?”
I said, “It’ll be over soon, Sweet Pea,” and then my boobs started leaking.
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Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride
This morning, I took 45 minutes to stitch closed a 5-inch rip in a pillow cover. The stitches were fairly neat and even, small and tight so that, from a distance of three feet away, the scar isn’t noticeable. I consider this a success for a stitch that is completely external (The cover is sewn onto the pillow, meaning it couldn’t be flipped inside out to stitch it properly.).
As I sat...
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Answers, sort of
The official diagnosis on Spawn is that he had a virus.
However…
The GI doctor had the lab run a genetics test on him along with his liver function screen. The result was that he has alpha-one antitrypsin mutation in one allele of a gene. Basically, what this means is that he is a carrier for a genetic disorder that causes a deficiency in alpha-one antitrypsin. Because he has a certain...
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Who would've thought
that earning a PhD would be easier than getting a work of fiction published?
No News Is Good News
I am not a morning person. I was more of a mid-morning person. However, being a new mom has made me a no-time-of-day person. Even so, my dislike for early mornings trumps all other times. I despise getting up before the sun rises or even shortly after it rises or, hell let’s be honest, before 7am. However, since I need to pump at least three times a day and have the sessions spread as...
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Check-Up
I’m taking Spawn to his post-hospital doctor check-up tomorrow. All his tests came back normal, and his liver is finally working like it should. Doc called me last Friday to let me know we could cancel the HIDA scan, so no radioactive baby. Yippee! He is finally FINALLY acting like himself again. I hope this means we can take him off his bile medicine soon. This is what the doc had to say...
Spawn of Summa enjoying the side effects of his...
Hide-A-What?
No, HIDA scan.
That’s what the baby needs. I really, really hope this liver problem can be diagnosed and that it can be fixed with meds and not surgery.
More blood work today.
Poor little Baby Pincushion.
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TMI Tuesday: Out of the Mouths of Babes
“Bluh-bla-bbbb” <spitting sound>
which translates to “When I’m high on barbiturates, I like my balls wiped with a cool cloth.”
In Other News...
Bound copies of my dissertation are in production, and a short version of my dissertation has been accepted by a major international journal for publication.
It’s nice to get some good news.
Home From the Hospital
No diagnosis, but he’s better. Maybe we’ll know something by next Wednesday. Poor little guy.
It's like The Exorcist in here!
Well, minus the head spinning around that is.
Seriously, the baby is spraying like a sour milk sprinkler.
The docs have us watching him to make sure it doesn’t get worse, that it’s a virus and not pyloric stenosis (please, please, please not that). And his poop is white, which is bad.
Sad baby. Sad mommy. :(
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Every time I hear a lawnmower in the side yard by...
I think,
“If whoever that is wakes up the baby, I’m gonna go out there and kick him in the balls.”
And then I think,
“God, I hope he mows my lawn out of pity.”
Miracle of miracles, my neighbor’s son mowed my front yard! So, I won’t kick him in the balls. In fact, I’m gonna buy that boy a carton of whatever brand of cigarettes he’s always...
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Phone conversation between my big brother and me:
Him: Wednesday, I turned 39. I was thinking about how many years that is.
Me: Doesn’t seem like it’s been that long, does it?
Him: Not really but you know what really made it hit me? I just got to thinking about how much computers have changed in my lifetime.
Me: Yeah, I remember you sitting with a giant book in your lap and...