April 2011
50 posts
1 tag
Gonzoland: Dad and the Doghouse
So, while I had no TV and no internet, and in between steamy/cheesy romance novels, I did a bit of reminiscing and writing.
Ever since my father was young and had to care for his father’s twenty-something odd hunting beagles, he’s been a one (if any) dog man. He’s partial to dachshunds, I believe because he is built like one – a long torso and short legs.
When I was about 7 or 8,...
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Reading romance again...
Love, she thought as she put the box away, was so often thorny with pain. It was a wonder the human race continued to seek it.
But maybe loneliness was worse.
— from Birthright by Nora Roberts
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A Few Miles North
You are there
On the cusp of the beanbag,
The protected island but
Near the edge of the storms.
Close enough to
Hear the wind scream
Through the window screens
Close enough to
Hear the wind suck
At the shingles.
And after,
You find pieces of
Someone else’s life
Lodged in the mud
Of your backyard.
You are perched on the edge.
And you face forward,
You look over the cusp.
You close your eyes,
And...
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burningbrooklynbridges replied to your post: differentlevelsofcompany replied to your post: i…
PLEASE LET ME MAKE IT RAIN CADBURY EGGS ON YOU!!!
We may be creating a new branch of porn.
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differentlevelsofcompany replied to your post: i had a cadbury egg today and thought of you. question time: what’s your favorite holiday?
Thanksgiving is in early October here but it’s my absolute favorite time of the year. Oh, and we have cadbury eggs on sale right now at the store and they’re 2 for $1 so I could definitely send you a shit ton. They’re probably going down in price too
I...
burningbrooklynbridges replied to your post: i had a cadbury egg today and thought of you. question time: what’s your favorite holiday?
thanksgiving is my favorite holiday too! because of the weather. and i’m a fat kid at heart :) do you want me to send you some cadbury eggs? your mom copped out this year!
That you would offer makes my heart swell within my bosom.
burningbrooklynbridges asked: i had a cadbury egg today and thought of you. question time: what's your favorite holiday?
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One little, two little, three little idiots…
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One-liners
The man stood, wobbled once, and then shouted, “I was born with a clubbed foot, which only goes to show that I was born to kick ass!”
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You’ve already proven yourself literate! Go forth, then, and avenge my death!
— the Ghost of the English Language in the online game Kingdom of Loathing
Note: You must prove that you know how to correctly use their/there/they’re and your/you’re, copy a correctly punctuated sentence, and then answer the trivia question, “What color was George Washington’s...
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Beauty and the Beef
Commence Tumblubbering now…
It wasn’t until recently that I realized how wonderful it is to eat the bacon with the filet mignon that it so lovingly hugs. Just picture a medium rare piece of beef with a small square of bacon sliding between my porcelain lips. Bacon porn. Amirite?
I’ve been thinking about beautiful things a lot lately. It’s amazing to see someone walking...
Going to my favorite dive tonight. Looking forward to beer, beef, and bff.
judgeisonvinyl asked: his blog was like the bud light of craft beer store, so don't worry. i re-read like, one entry and remembered i hardly ever cared for him at all! plus, nobody fucks with summa and gets away with it, so yeah.
“Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar....”
–
Charles Warnke (via obscure-allure)
I love this. For so many reasons.
(via girl11eleven)
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Beautiful Woman
She was tall, naturally thin but not sickeningly so, for she nicely filled out her very short, fitted, cap-sleeved, dark blue dress. The dress looked to be made of freshly dyed denim, but I’m sure it was something softer than that. She had long, straight hair that bounced gently as she walked across the parking lot in five inch caramel-colored heels.
From inside my car, I watched her go...
Anonymous asked: TMI Tuesday - Just read your dream about the swing party and this, along with your other sexy stories got me thinking. What are your thoughts about casual sext-ing or mildly dangerous internet flirting?
scottowilliams asked: Not-enough-information Tuesday:
What's your favourite article of clothing?
What's your favourite article of clothing?
somebarebones asked: What's your favorite sexual position?
burningbrooklynbridges asked: what's the most you've ever lost on a bet (casino or otherwise)?
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Pleasuredome
I don’t know if Drunken Soberness actually lives in a Pleasuredome, but she did in my dream last night. On Twitter, she said she has an avocado tree in her backyard, so I’m inclined to believe it’s true!
Inside the dome, the bedrooms, of which there were many, were arranged in two circles with a hallway between them. The rooms on the inside were windowless, but all were...
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Sacrifice
I promised my mother that I would visit for Easter. I did this for two reasons:
1) I knew it would make her happy to have me spend the night Saturday and go to church on Easter Sunday, and
2) It will get her off my back about not going to church for another year.
I’m not the kind of child that can just tell her mother to fuck off about church. I figure that an hour of my time (a little...
In a crinkle-cut-fry-world,
no one should go hungry. We have the ability to feed, clothe, and shelter every human on the planet, but we don’t. As a species, we are too self-centered and selfish.
We’ve a machine that will cut fries so that they are wavy on all four sides. All four sides! Imagine the engineering that goes into that. Doesn’t that seem smart? And yet, we let people starve. We LET people...
When you just give love and never get love, You’d better let love depart. I know it’s so, and still I know, I can’t get ya out’a my heart.
— intro to Since I Fell For You
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I dreamed of bashing zombie heads with my over-sized iron skillet. What did you do last night?
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I haven’t completed anything I’ve started this week. I’m just not in the mood. Whatever I try to do, especially write, when I’m not in the mood, turns out to be complete shit. I did make some good chicken salad today, so that’s something at least.
Guide to the South
Usually, I auto-delete chain emails. However, I actually read this one from my dad, and it made me laugh. The list is longer than this, but I decided to post the ten funniest.
1) If it grows, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls, it’ll bite cha.
2) It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
3) “Jaw-P?” means “Did y’all go to the bathroom?”
4) We actually grow and eat okra.
5) “Fixinto” is a word...
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I hate dreams like this.
It wasn’t Shadow but a faceless, nameless abuser, attacker who could be any number of people including myself. I tried to make myself so small, so tiny, thinking maybe he wouldn’t notice me if I was nigh invisible. But he noticed. Why, I don’t know. He had someone far more appealing readily available, so I don’t know why I...
cheekyguy asked: To answer your question we should weigh the options of staying and it's antithesis, leaving. In all honesty this shall require some due thought.
Darling you'll have to inform me, which option is more beneficial. If you tell me that you belong to me and solely to me I shan't leave in fact you could say I shall remain here, forever. So, to reiterate my first point...
Darling you'll have to inform me, which option is more beneficial. If you tell me that you belong to me and solely to me I shan't leave in fact you could say I shall remain here, forever. So, to reiterate my first point...
scottowilliams asked: TIM Tuesday:
Hey, hey, what can I do? -- Led Zeppelin
Hey, hey, what can I do? -- Led Zeppelin
Sh!t My Dad Says
Upon finishing reading the Old Testament (at age 60):
“I tell you what. Everybody better be glad I’m not God. I’d blast ‘em all to Hell. I just don’t get why He put up with the Jews. They’re just awful. They hardly ever do anything God tells them to do.”
From the kitchen, my mom called, “They’re his chosen people. And it’s called love and grace.” My dad eyed me and said, “I’d give them grace,...
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One Percent Other: John Boy, Squirrel Epicure
John Boy knew he wasn’t smart. He was nineteen and making his second attempt at passing his junior year of high school. He got by okay. He liked his teachers, especially the short, black-haired one that said she was his “special teacher.” He was broad-shouldered and dense, in more than one way. He loved football and felt good about finally making his way up to starting center.
John...
This Boy (Part 5)
For Parts 1 - 4, go here.
The first boy I ever loved was the first person I ever smoked pot with, laced with opium no less. I sat his lumpy sofa and, for almost four solid hours, watched “The Outer Limits.” After that, we smoked another bowl, and I watched him and my future ex “play” with real blowguns, purchased from a weapon catalog. They took turns standing in the open front door of...
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quintessentiallydisheveled-deac asked: TMI Tue...Wednesday:
At what singular moment have you felt most alive?
I'm not talking a period of time, just a flash when you felt like the heavens opened up and you stood on top of the world.
At what singular moment have you felt most alive?
I'm not talking a period of time, just a flash when you felt like the heavens opened up and you stood on top of the world.
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Sun-Tryst
The day was warm, so she spent the afternoon naked on a blanket in the sun, with a bottle of beer by her head and a spray bottle of water only an arm’s length away. He watched her, watched her skin turn from pale to rosy pink. He watched her reach for the bottle, one to drink, one to mist.
The water spit into the air, swirled, and landed on her. Chill bumps sprang up on her arms,...
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Dinner in Haiku Form
oven-fried okra,
box macaroni and cheese,
chicken, and carrots
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Average
Last night, Abby and I were chatting about a paper she’s writing about beauty. One of the things we discussed was what things (actual things, people, places, actions, expressions, feelings, etc.) are beautiful. Naturally, the subject of beautiful-looking people arose, and it reminded me of the first time I saw the young man who was the most beautiful person I have ever seen.
I was a...
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One Percent Other: The Duke of Hazards
From the first time someone paid Brazen to jump off the roof of the elementary school, he knew he wanted to be a stunt man. He had no sense of self-preservation. Anyone who hung out with him could attest to it.
In a school that was 49% white, 50% black, and 1% other, Brazen was one of the few in the “other” category. He was unusual to look at, having inherited his Iranian...
The 411 on 4-1
Every first of April, I am reminded of the time I accidentally gave my ex and myself food poisoning. It was my freshman year of university, and among many other stupid first-time-living-away-from-home mistakes, I unwisely froze, thawed, re-froze, and re-thawed a 5 pound (2.3 kg) log of beef and made Hamburger Helper “cheeseburger” with some of it.
Within two hours, the tainted...