March 2011
94 posts
Any and all of these sound better than the spot...
buddyblanc replied to your post: What have I gotten myself into?
Is it some kind of small, enclosed space?
drunken-soberness replied to your post: What have I gotten myself into?
Is dark, dank and musky?
mumblingnigglr replied to your post: What have I gotten myself into?
does it feel squishy? cause that’s the best thing to get into.
February 2011
99 posts
What have I gotten myself into?
3 tags
When the Fever Breaks
In the wee hours of the morning, I heard the scratching within the walls. My restless mind divined the message:
“Creature, go forth and conquer worlds. Devour those who block your way. Rule your life with a blood-soaked fist that smashes the teeth from the mouths of those who feed on the weak. Exorcise those who consume your soul and give you nothing of their own. Look upon each day...
Virginia: I thought we were going to be just friends. Happy Gilmore: What? Friends listen to “Endless Love” in the dark.
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Dear, Little Buttercup
Most of you are probably too young to have owned records when you were little and wouldn’t now unless you’re one of the people who believes that records have better sound than any other medium to date. My mother had a case full of them, and she bought several for me to play on my Strawberry Shortcake record player. It was awesome, white and pink and red with its own carrying...
5 tags
Final (Insane Clown Posse-Hellraiser) Fantasy
“My lady, wait,” the black mage said. She held her arm out to halt her mistress’ progress down the wide, torch-lit hallway of the manor. “Use Detection.”
The white mage moved her hands, making the complicated series of hand signs needed to focus her will and power, and released it toward her chambers. The spell splashed against the door and wall, and when it soaked through, left the wood and...
buddyblanc replied to your post:
And then some! Maybe we should add “A cock-full of comic book character logos” to the “Ass-deep in alligators” file.
Will do!
Also, some ideas for “nose art.” I’m partial to the fire-breathing dragon. Although, what message does that send?
buddyblanc asked: Funny story!
My friend, a tattoo artist (and lady), apparently had a guy come in with his girlfriend, and demand a tattoo of the Superman 's' shield on the head of his penis. She explained that it'll hurt like hell, and that she'd have to charge extra because it's a real pain in the ass place to tattoo (not to mention unpleasant). The guy, who didn't...
My friend, a tattoo artist (and lady), apparently had a guy come in with his girlfriend, and demand a tattoo of the Superman 's' shield on the head of his penis. She explained that it'll hurt like hell, and that she'd have to charge extra because it's a real pain in the ass place to tattoo (not to mention unpleasant). The guy, who didn't...
philroland replied to your video: Aqua Teen Hunger Force - Episode 93 Carl on the…
I just can’t see Carl as somebody not getting raped by Handbanana anymore.
After the Sirens episode, I can’t see Carl as someone with nipples anymore.
3 tags
WatchAqua Teen Hunger Force - Episode 93
Carl on the beauty of internet anonymity.
Forensics Files
Researchers say that you should use your bed for only sleep and sex because wallowing or reading or watching TV in it teaches your body to expect an activity other than sex or sleep therefore making it more difficult for you to go to sleep.
Yes, yes. But…
When I get in bed, I either read or watch TV. Usually, I go for cartoons because they tend to wind me down after my brain has been on...
Decrees
drunken-soberness replied to your post: Is there a saying
if there isn’t, you should start the trend now.
I hereby declare, “I’m ass-deep in alligators” a saying.
If you don’t have alligators but have crocodiles, it shall be, “I’m crotch-deep in crocs.”
If you don’t have alligators or crocodiles but have snakes, it shall be, “I’m...
5 tags
To-Do
If Mankind wishes to survive, he’ll have to inhabit other planets. There’s no avoiding it. We’re either going to burn this bitch up before the sun goes red, or we’ll finally lose the comet/asteroid lottery.
We have plans, oh yes we do, but no money. I mean, how can you justify spending billions on research into colonizing Mars when you’ve got serious problems at...
Is there a saying
“I’m ass-deep in alligators”?
Living
I had a close friend who told me that I should live every moment as fully as I could, experience as much as I could, and give the people I loved as much of myself as I could. “Be as honest as you can with others, but always be honest with yourself.”
I’ve yet to figure out how to do those three things for more than a few minutes at a time. It’s exhausting and often...
“Stupid is the solvent that will destroy us all.”
Physics Lesson
Opposites attract and then annihilate.
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Dress Pants
I’m wearing dress pants today. I own two pairs. For a recap of my lack of fashion sense, see here and/or here. My two pairs of dressy pants are 1) something ”acrylic” in black with a pinstripe and 2) black satin. I got the satin pants for a retro New Year’s Eve party. You’ll be relieved to know I haven’t worn them since. I’m not sure why I still have...
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Two Thinkers
In my dreams last night, I wrote the most beautiful poem, so beautiful that it made people weep and fall in love with me. I woke up three or four times, but each time I went back to sleep, the dream picked up where it previously ended. Each time, the poem changed and grew.
It became an ever-changing song sung at weddings, funerals, anniversaries, and in churches. It wasn’t religious or...
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Vanilla
In a discussion about scifi and fantasy novels, the topic of vanilla characters arose. The general consensus seemed to be that readers would like to see ordinary, vanilla people (or aliens or hobbits) overcome difficulties. For decades, the trend has been that the main characters begin as regular folks and discover or become afflicted with an ability/talent/magic that gives them the extra edge. ...
1 tag
Today, I am thankful that I don’t have cankles.
Phone Conversation
between my mother and me. If she wants to irritate me, all she has to do is get me talking about my brother’s wife’s views on almost anything and her bassackward value system.
Mom: Don’t you want some of those big rubber boots all the girls are wearing?
Me: Fake Wellies?
Mom: Um, or real ones.
Me: I hated wearing galoshes when I was a kid. Why would I want them now?
Mom:...
meghanblake replied to your video: Trying on sports bras is less annoying/depressing…
well i involuntarily sang this out loud at my desk until my coworker came by. oops
It’s Stevie. If you don’t sing along, it’s for one of two reasons:
1) by some cruel twist of fate, you’ve been kept apart from Stevie Wonder your entire life and have never heard it, or
2)...
1 tag
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Time of the Month
Aahhrrooo! No, I’m not turning into a werewolf. I’m in the week of the month where my body is doing its best to attract an eager male for procreation.
TMI ALERT!! You’ve been warned.
In my youth, I never noticed it, but as I (cough) mature, the indicators that the bitch is in heat have gotten stronger. My body’s way of saying, “Hey, don’t you need...
Art Lesson
I’m writing after all, editing really, trying to decide what stays and what goes. It’s pretentious and practically a lie to call what I do “art,” but bear with me for the sake of the title.
While editing, I thought of my cousin Tyler. He went to college for about eight or nine years, tried everything under the sun, and eventually finished with a culinary degree and a...
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Post-niece
I’m drenched in both with water and sweat. I smell like b.o. (both hers and mine) and mud and fallen tree limbs. My hair looks…actually, it looks pretty awesome. I finished a glass of wine, and I’m contemplating taking a nap with my cat in the sunshine.
I love purring, whether feline or human. Nothing says, “What you’re doing, it’s awesome, and keep doing...
this-aint-no-holiday answered your question: Does it still count as flirting if you just come…
oh, i’ve tried that. i found out the line isn’t foolproof.
Oh! Now I simply must know how this backfired on you.
Aunt
My niece is coming to visit today. Through no fault of my own, she adores me. I think it’s because, when she was a baby, I left her alone. I didn’t ooh and ahh over her, smother her, or baby-talk to her.
See, I have no maternal instincts. I am terrified of babies. I hold infants with stiff, trembling arms and only out of politeness to the parents and so people won’t look...
The first time I saw Dead Poet’s Society, I was all like, “Hell yeah! You do what you want. Don’t let Daddy tell you what to do because that’s bullshit, man. You live and be wild and free.”
Now, I’m like, “Yeah, well, try some real life, you sorry sacks. Grow up and get the fuck over yourself.”
What happens when all one’s innocence is lost?
Each year, there is something new, something beyond what I thought possible for humans to do to one another, to themselves. Each year, I become more desensitized. Like a fist repeatedly struck against wood, I tear and bleed and scar, but I toughen. I grow calluses to protect myself.
I keep thinking I must be close, that there can’t be that...
Guy in the Pantera T-shirt
Sitting on the concrete bench in front of the building, I smoked between classes. I liked the spot, a kind of perch atop the wide stairs that overlooked sidewalks, flowerbeds, oaks that had been planted after the campus burned during the Civil War, and the crosswalk. Despite a neon yellow sign that read, “Stop for pedestrians,” someone got hit there every semester. Stupid kids, driving...
3 tags
Stir Constantly
She sang, “Get back, honky cat. Better get back to the woods. Well, I quit those days, and my redneck ways, and I—”
“What are you singing?” he said, coming into the kitchen and refilling his glass at the tap.
“ ‘Honky Cat,’ by Elton John.”
“Never heard it.”
Her jaw dropped, then remembering she had a custard on medium-high, she returned her attention to the pot. “Well,...
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Geek-peek
Fluffy: RPG’s are a hoarder’s wet dream.
Me: No, no. They’d never want to sell anything, so their inventory would always be full. They’d say, “But I want that useless old boot that dropped,” and then curse the gods when the narrator says, “You’re overburdened.”
Fluffy: (laughing) You’re right.
I smelled lilies today, and it made me smile.
scottowilliams replied to your post: Hey you! Yeah, you with the penis!
Sure, I’ll lend you my body — that way, you’ll know what it is to be not only a man, but a skinny, awkward 5’7 one. And that’s the only way to go, cupcake.
Did you just call me cupcake, sweetcheeks?!
If you lend me your body, I’ll still be the same height, so at least I won’t walk funny, other than getting...
Hey you! Yeah, you with the penis!
Is having one as awesome as I imagine it is? It is, isn’t it?
I once told someone that I was a gay man in a woman’s body, but that isn’t right, as I have little fashion sense and no desire to spend an hour every day pumping iron at the gym.
I would love to trade bodies for a week, to see what it feels like to have a male body and hormones. I want to know what sex,...
buddyblanc replied to your post: Drowning isn’t such a bad way to go. I mean, burning to death has to be worse.
Argh! Enough to almost give me a panic attack! Luckily, their was a breast reference near the end to bring me back! Just the one drowning experience for me, and that was enough!
I don’t think I would even chance swimming in the ocean around Australia. I’ve seen enough...
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Drowning isn’t such a bad way to go. I mean,...
I was ten, back when I got out in the sun enough to turn a deep, golden brown. That summer I had a Minnie Mouse swimsuit. It was red with white polka dots that the sun’s rays could penetrate, so I had a silver dollar-sized polka dot tan under my suit.
My parents borrowed my uncle’s boat and took my brother and me to visit our neighbors, who were also borrowing a boat and a house from a...
I wish someone made white-out for the spoken word.
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WatchAre we in control of our own decisions?
A psychiatrist friend of mine introduced me to TED talks and Dan Ariely. The video is about 17 minutes long, but it is engaging, eye-opening, entertaining, and worth the time to explore behavioral economics. As someone who writes for pleasure and for research, it amuses me that he did this research with the purpose of publishing it in order to get his...
happy = working an Airplane! reference into a story
If you didn’t already suspect it, I am a huge dork. The picture below is of my Otto the Autopilot, and yes, that is a satisfied grin.