Summa Cum Nihil

The Peak of Nothing

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How you know when you’ve stayed too long

What my Dad said: (viciously shucking corn) You want to take some of this with you?

What I thought: I already have a bag of apples and fifteen cucumbers. I can’t even eat corn. Why is he offering it to me? He knows I can’t eat it. ::sigh:: No, he probably doesn’t because he doesn’t listen to me.

What I said: No thanks.

What my dad heard: I don’t love you. I don’t appreciate you. I hate you and everything you try to do for me. Go fuck yourself.

So we ended up shouting at each other for fifteen minutes before I took my hubs and baby and drove back to KY. Just, you know, in case you thought your relationship with your parents would change, maybe even get better as you all got older, it doesn’t. Not really. Apparently, once a selfish, ungrateful child, always a selfish, ungrateful child. I am so tired of proving myself different, and it’s hard knowing that he still doesn’t understand me at all.

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little-spoiled-brat asked: I don't know much about gaming at all! I was always put off because I was bad at them and I didn't fit into the gaming crowd. How did you get into gaming?

I have always loved and played board games, but my brother started me on Nintendo and Sega games when I was in high school and he was supposedly in college. Then, when we got a computer (in the dark ages), he moved me on to some computer games. Jeez, I had a game called Rock Star where the only way to be successful was to do drugs and die of an overdose. I played things like Sims 1 for a while until I got bored.

When I got with Fluffy, he was very into Playstation 2 final fantasy and strategy games and DiabloII. I bought DiabloII so we would have something we could play together. This was my first real introduction to fantasy role-playing games, and I loved it! Whenever I had a bad day, I could come home and blast and hack monsters. Very therapeutic.

Fluffy used to play Dungeons and Dragons when he was in the Navy, and he got back into it briefly when he found some classmates in uni who were into it. Then, Dungeons and Dragons online came out. We both got into that, since it was easier than trying to find a pen and paper game. We have met many people through our guild online and had a meet-up at our house last fall for about 10 of us to get together and play pen and paper DnD. I still have issues understanding character builds and such, but I enjoy it. Online or on paper, I have so much fun connecting with people through games. Some of my best friends I have met this way. Fluffy and I play DiabloIII now, too.

You don’t have to be good to enjoy yourself, as long as you aren’t playing with assholes who make you feel bad for not being born an expert. Games like DnD take a while to learn. I still know very little, and there are different versions. But again, as long as you are playing with people who just want to have fun, not knowing much isn’t a big deal.

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ooh, ooh, ooh! (raises hand)

I’m a little over-zealous about things I like. Ask me about writing or gaming, and I am like a big, dumb dog slobbering and wiggling my butt to tell you everything I know, completely overwhelm you, and put you off the topic for life.

Filed under takes a bow

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My mother keeps insisting that Fluffy and I “go do something” while Spawn naps. Somehow, she has yet to understand or refuses to understand that when Spawn is asleep, all I want to do is sleep/read/write, not leave the house. I want to leave the house when he’s awake.

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Nope, they don’t. And they may have experiences not indicative of yours. So what? What do you think everyone who isn’t like you has been experiencing all this time? That same feeling. And yet they still read Batman or watch the same television shows.

Confession time: I’m a jerky white dude. I’m clumsy in my assumptions and preconceived notions and — hey, I acknowledge my privilege. The privilege of privilege is being blinded by it and blind to it. You can walk around all day, whistling like a happy asshole, completely unaware of all the toxic douchebaggery splashing all around. We step on flowers we don’t even notice.

Sometimes, though, you have your eyes opened to it, and it’s a real holy-shit-we’re-in-some-kind-of-sexist-racist-Matrix moment. Rape culture doesn’t seem like a thing until someone starts pointing it out and then it’s a really awful Magic Eye painting, except instead of seeing a dolphin you’re seeing how we ask rape victims what they did to deserve getting raped. Once someone tells you, “That Terrible Thing is really an actual thing,” it’s ants, it’s dust, it’s fingerprints-on-glass. Didn’t notice it before, but now you realize it’s freaking everywhere.

And one of those “it’s freaking everywhere” moments is when you realize, oh, yeah, okay, our pop culture has been speaking very directly to heteronormative middle-class white-guy culture for a long time. Comics, television, novels, whatever. It’s time to share the storytelling. Time to pass the Talking Stick. Besides, maybe if we saw more diversity on the page, we might be willing to acknowledge the diversity outside our doors. I often say that the most valuable multitasking we can teach our kids and express in ourselves is to dual-wield Empathy and Logic, and if this helps in that, so be it. If this makes people more open? More aware? How is that possibly a bad thing?

Chuck Wendig, Gender-Flip Geek Icons! Race-Flip Nerd War! Gay Batman! Raaaaar! (via doyouwanttobesaved)

(via terribleminds)

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The mother of one of my FB friends (a friend I went to elementary, middle, and high school with) put up a post asking for prayer requests for her mother. The next day, she said that the family was encouraged because her mother’s foot jumped when her sister tickled it and her heart rate increased whenever someone talked to her or played her favorite music.

I read this “encouraging” post to Fluffy, and he said, “Oh, that’s too bad for her.”

"What?" I asked.

"That’s what my dad did, after his heart attack. That same stuff. She’s done. Her brain is toast. Somebody must not have found her soon enough."

The next day, my friend posted that they were donating her mother’s organs and to thank everyone for their support. And this just reminds me that Fluffy lost his father when he was 14 and his mother when he was 24. That’s a lot of loss for a young man, even if he never felt particularly loved by his parents. Makes me hug him a little too hard sometimes.